Harry Potter and the Annoying Friend
by Lizard Lad
Summary: Written by my little sister, posted by me. Very random and humorous. Did we mention it's random? One-shot.
1. Default Chapter

I do not own Harry Potter, however, I do own a bunny named Sally. Ok my big brother, A.K.A Lizard Lad, has posted this fic for me.

It was the first day of the end of the summer holiday and Hermione Granger was running everywhere trying to find her friends. The day was still hot and humid so she was very tired. As she ran through the crowd she thought, _how is it that I've only seen Harry and Ron ones in the last day?_ The school towered above her as she ran. It was about five-twenty and the feast was in an hour. She had to find them now. Then she noted a shock of red hair that stood out above the crowed. _Ah! There you are!_ Hermione thought as she neared the lake where she had seen the hair. "RON!" Hermione called as she neared a boy sitting by a tree at the side of the lake.

"Oh, hey Mione!" Ron Weasley called to her.

"Ron where is Harry?" Hermione asked coolly.

"Under there," Ron said nodding his head toured the lake.

"UNDER WHERE!" Hermione Yelled.

"Ha, ha, you said under ware!" Ron laughed.

"RON WEASLEY WHERE IS HARRY!" she yelled, losing all control.

"In the lake, I told you."

At the same time Ron said that Harry's head came out of the water. Hermione starred at the raven-haired boy in the water, her gaze ice. His bright green eyes flashed to Ron, then to Hermione. "Er… Hey Hermione!" Harry said.

"Harry," Hermione said coolly, "Why are you in the lake?"

"Why are you on land?" Harry asked.

"Don't tease me Harry. I repeat, why are you in the lake?"

"Well… er… I thought that it was er… a bit hot out so I took a swim!"

"Oh, I see, why in your jeans?" Hermione asked.

"I didn't have time to get my swim suit," Harry said timidly.

"Harry Potter. You, Ron and I are in 7th year now, that means that it would be nice to get to see the sorting for once." Hermione said coolly.

"Mione, we really don't want to see it, we just want the food," Ron groaned.

"You two! You didn't even see when Ginny was sorted in 2nd year!" Hermione yelled.

"We wanted to!" Harry pleaded.

"Yeah, Mione, we did!" Ron said.

"Fine, be that way. I'll be watching, and you can hide in the lake. What do I care? You're the ones that will lose from not coming." Hermione called as she walked away.

"Hey, Mione! Come back! It's not like that! We didn't mean it!" Ron called, but it was no use.

"You mean, _you_ didn't mean it. _I _mean every word," Harry said.

Ron ran to catch up to Hermione. She was about a foot shorter then him, so it didn't take long. "Mione! You know that Harry and I just don't like to see those little kids go threw the whole sorting thing!" Ron pleaded.

"Ron… if you don't want to come… then don't. Just don't talk to me about it," Hermione said firmly.

Later in the Great Hall… Everyone was taking his or her seats at the four house tables. Hermione sat in between Lavender and Luna. Having a spaced out Luna on one side, and a chatterbox Lavender on the other was like torture to Hermione. The seats in front of Hermione were empty. Those were the seats that Harry and Ron Normally sat in. She sighed. She wished they were here. But if they just wanted the food, what was the point? Just then Ron and Harry slid into their seats grinning.

"What are you two doing here?" Hermione asked with raised eyebrows.

"Being better friends then we were and hour ago," Harry said grinning.

"Well, you're in luck. The sorting going to start in a few minutes!" Hermione said grinning now too.

"Then the food, right?" Ron asked hopefully.

"Yes, then the food Ron." said Harry.

"Why you grinning so much?" Ron asked Hermione.

"Look up," was all she could say.

They did so, and, in doing it saw Peeves hovering above them. He had a bottle of black ink in each hand. Peeves dropped one on both Ron and Harry's heads.

As Harry wiped the ink off of his glasses he said, "We deserved that."

"Yeah we did," Ron said, trying to get some out of his hair.

"The sorting shall now begin!" said Dumbledore.

First a mean looking boy was sorted into Slytheren, then a cool looking guy wearing sunglasses inside. AN: "I still don't get way people do that." And then blah, blah, blah, the other nameless people.

The next day it rained hard. And in there free time, the students could be seen walking about the school aimlessly. Harry, Ron and Hermione stood in an empty classroom, not even talking. Then Hermione yelled, "RON, YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE!"

"Oh, so they are…" said Ron thoughtfully.

"OH MY GOSH MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!" he then screamed.

Hermione quickly putt out the fire, however.

Soon Ron said, "I'm seemingly unharmed… but only seemingly!"

"Sorry… I couldn't resist," Harry mumbled.

Just then the door opened to reveal Draco Malfoy.

"Umm… is this the drama club?" Draco asked.

"No, you want the next door over," said Harry.

"Oh, thank you," Draco said and left the room.

"NO PROBLEM!" Harry called after him.

"Now, what were we saying?" Harry asked.

"My pants were on fire because _you_ put the spell on them! And now I'm only _seemingly_ unharmed!" Ron burst out. "What did my pants ever do to _you_?"

"Guys, stop arguing!" Hermione cut in.

"Sorry, Mione." Ron and Harry said at the same time.

"Very good, you're forgiven." she said.

That night in the common room… Hermione, Ron, and Harry sat by the fire talking. Then Hermione said, "Who are you taking to the ball?"

"WHAT!" Ron and Harry asked. AN: "Very loudly! Oh, my ears!"

"Oh, you know! The ball? The one that Dumbledore told us about tonight?" at there blank looks she asked, "You weren't listening, were you?"

"No. I was eating a pie."

"You mean a peace of pie Ron," Hermione said.

"No… I mean a pie," Ron said.

Hermione whacked Ron over the head.

"OW! What was _that_ for?" Ron asked.

"For being an idiot!" Hermione said.

"I think that we should avoided not having good dates like last year that would be…" Harry started.

"Hermione will you go to the ball with me, so I won't have to be dateless?" Ron asked hopefully.

"No. I think these balls are so you can enjoy having a date that you might date later. Not so you can have popularity because you got a date with a Quidditch Captain like Harry!"

"I'm a Quidditch Captain?" Harry asked.

Hermione turns toward readers, "There all morons, aren't they?"

Three months past this way and at night in the girl's dormitories you could hear talk like this, "Hermione… do you still not have a date?" "No Lavender, I do not have a date."

And talk like this in the boy's dormitories… "Harry, your so lucky! Girls asked you out all the time coz you're a Quidditch Captain!" "I'm a Quidditch Captain?"

Girl's room… "Somehow I feel the boys are talking about us…"

Boy's room… "I'll bet that the girls don't even know we're talking about them! All they think about is boys, and their hair!"

Girl's room… "Lets talk about how we feel our lives are doing!"

Boy's room… "I know! Let's have a belching contest!"

Girl's room… "I like the peaceful, quite live, nice and safe…"

Boy's room… "I like to do extreme sports!"

Soon it was the week before the ball, and they still did not have dates. That is except for Hermione and Harry that is. Ron was the only one at Hogworts that did not have one. That meant that there was one person that he could ask left: Luna Lovegood. So it was that Ron went to find her one warm spring day.

He found her by the lake reading _The Quibbler_.

"Er… Luna would you… Er… Liketogototheballwithme?" Ron asked in a rush.

Luna seemed to be pondering if she should make him say it slower for torture when she said, "Ok, then."

"YEAH! I GOT A DATE! YEAH!" Ron yelled running up to the castle to tell Harry and Hermione.

The next day all students were allowed to visit Hogsmead in order to have everything they needed for the ball. First the boys went into the robes shop together.

Ron held up some robs and said, "LOOK! THESE ROBES HAVE THE CHUDLY CANONS ON THEM! THE HOWL THING IS COVERED WITH THE PLAYERS! I WANT THEM!"

"Ron… If you ever have a wedding… Don't wear that." Harry said.

Then Harry picked some up and yelled, "THESE ROBES HAVE LITTLE SNITCHS ALL OVER THEM! I WANT A PARE!"

So Harry and Ron bought the robes. Then the girls came in. As the boys left Harry whispered to Ron, "I'll bet they get some totally ridiculous robes!"

"Boohoo! Look at these soft blue robes Gin! I'm buying them!" Hermione said.

"And I found the same thing excepted its in soft purple!" Ginny said happily.

"And I found it too… But in soft green!" said Lavender laughing lightly.

So the girls bought the robes and left the shop.

Now it was the night before the ball, AN: "They sort-of grow up so fast!" and Ron and Harry were putting on there robes.

"I think that maybe it was a mistake to by these robes, Harry…" said Ron.

"Are you kidding me with that?" Harry asked.

"Yeah… I guess so…" Ron said quietly.

The boys waited for the girls in the great hall, which, had been lit by hundreds of little fairies at the top of the sealing. The night sky, normally so visible on the sealing was pitch-black tonight, not even a star shown through. The four long house tables had been removed to make way for about a hundred little ones. And there was the dance floor right in the middle of the mix of tables. And a stage was up where the teacher's table was normally placed. Harry and Ron could only assume that _The Weird Sisters_ was the band that would be performing.

As the girls walked up to them they looked around, and at the site of their new robes, the girls silently decided that, if you couldn't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Ron asked Luna, "Would you like to dance?"

"No, thank you. I'm not much of a dancer." Luna said.

"Well that's a relief! I _hate_ to dance!" Ron said, glad not to have to dance.

As they walked on Luna whispered to Ginny, "I am _so_ dumping him."

Ginny nodded quickly before saying, "I'm just glad I got a date with Colon!"

Lavender added to the conversation, "Where is he, anyway?"

"I'm not sure. I think he said something about coming late," Ginny said, frowning.

"So… who's going with who? I'm going with Harry. And Ginny's going with Colon… Luna's going with Ron… Whom on earth is Hermione going with?" Lavender asked.

"Where is Hermione anyway?" Ginny asked.

"I thought she was with us!" Luna said.

As the girls whispered they did not note someone walking toward them.

But the boys AN: "By some miracle" noted the people first, and said, "Hermione! Hi! Where's your date?"

"I'm right here," said a voice.

They all turned, and in doing so, almost fainted.

A seventeen-year-old boy stood there, wearing a pair of plain black dress robs. His hair was brown and messy, AN: "Not to make him sound like Harry." his eyes a clear blue. He was about as tall as Ron and his voice sounded faintly Scottish.

"OH NO! HE'S HOT!" Ron cried, before fainting.

"Why does _she_ get the cute date?" Lavender grumbled.

"HEY!" Harry and Colon (who had just arrived) said indignantly.

AN: "And I'm sure that if Ron was conscious he'd be mad to."

"Oh, no! Poor Ron! Someone get the smelling salts!" Hermione said.

After Ron was awake Hermione said, "This is Don, he's not new here, but for some reason he's been hiding in an old classroom for like hmmm… seven years. He only has appeared at social events. He says that now he plans to come out more. He never left the school! Hasn't seen his mum and dad for all that time!"

"Do you want to dance Hermione?" Don asked.

"Sure!" Hermione answered.

As they walked off Ginny asked, "Why does she the good ones, when she's not even that pretty?"

"Well Gin… I think that since we're all friends, we can't really look at her as pretty. But she is pretty, and we don't know it." Harry said sadly.

"WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS ARE WE!" Ron yelled.

"I don't know… the kind that smells like cheese?" Harry asked.

"No Harry… That's only Ron." Luna said.

"But cheese is delicious!" Ron said.

So that night Ron did nothing but sit around and say things like, "I wish they made Don voodoo dolls…"

Hermione got a boyfriend named Don, Harry got a girlfriend named Lavender, and Ron was left doomed to be lonely.

In other words everybody lived happily ever after. I think the end stinks so I'll tell it to you.

This is it: Ron walked over to Harry and Hermione and said, "Ham?"

_FIN._

All I can say is thank you for reading this fic! Wow… Eight pages! My brother (Lizard Lad) posted this for me coz I have no pen name… Thank you so much brother! So now I must say what a fanfic writer does… PLEASE REVIEW! I'm only 10 so I'm new at this… Please be kind!


	2. Stupidness

AN: Hi! Yeah, yeah, I know. I took too long to update! I wasn't really gonna, but then I just got this idea for this next chapter, and I couldn't not write it!

"Harry," said seventeen-year-old Ron Weasley one night in the Gryffindor common room. "I don't like the look of this 'Don' guy. Looks pretty evil to me."

"Ron, for the last time! Don is not evil! He gave you his History of Magic papers to copy!" said seventeen-year-old Harry Potter.

It was the week after the ball, and Hermione Granger's new boyfriend Don was ticking Ron off. Ron had just been dumped by Luna Lovegood, putting him in a very bad mood indeed. Not that he liked Luna much, but that everyone he past started to laugh at him for being dumped by Luna Lovegood. She was considered the most insane girl in the history of Hogwarts.

"He's just trying to make me like him so I won't expect anything. He's really working on a plan to take over Hogwarts." Ron said angrily.

"Uh-hu, or you're really jealous." said Harry, grinning.

"NO! NO WAY! I AM NOT JEALOUS! I JUST DON'T TRUST HIM IS ALL!" Ron said angrily.

Hermione and Don stood up and left the common room. They had a big date tonight.

"I AM SO JELOUS!" said Ron as soon as they were out of site. "I MEAN, WHAT'S HE HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE? I SMELL LIKE CHEESE AND EVERYTHING!"

"A life?" Ginny offered from across the room.

"Good hair?" Added Lavender.

"Dreamy eyes you can melt in?" Added Ginny.

"Oh, yeah! And a good sense of clothing!" Lavender put in.

"Yeah! And"- Ginny was cut short by Ron's angry yell of, "OKAY! WE GET IT ALREADY!"

"Sorry," said Lavender and Ginny together.

"Very good. Have a cookie," said Ron.

"Really? Cool!"

"Of course not! I ate that cookie!" Ron laughed.

"RON, YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE!" cried Hermione as she burst into the common room.

"Oh, no! Not again!" Ron whined.

"Quit being such a baby and put the fire out!" cried Hermione.

"FLAMING PANTS!" screeched Harry.

"Everyone stay calm," said Don walking into the room.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY CALM? MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!" yelled Ron.

"Good point. As far as I can see, the best thing to do is run around the room screaming odd words," said Don.

"Good idea." said everyone in the room.

As they ran around the room Harry yelled, "MONKEYS!"

Hermione yelled, "BOOK DUE TO BE HANDED IN TOMMROW!"

Ron yelled, "HOT!"

And Don yelled, "KANGAROO!"

"Oh! I just remembered! I'm throwing a party!" said Lavender turning to Ron. "And if you get an invite… Wow."

"What? Why'd you say 'wow'?" Ron asked.

"Because. If you got an invite, that would mean you're cool. And you, Ron, are not." said Lavender.

"OMG! I FORGOT! MY PANTS ARE FLAMING!" Ron yelled.

AN: We shall leave our heros here. Because if you read farther, you'd get sick from all the stupidness.

The day, after the day, after the day, after that Harry got a letter from Dumbledore telling him, Ron and Hermione to meet him in his office after lunch.

"I wonder what he wants." said Harry.

"I don't know. But I hope it involves pie." said Ron.

Later, in Dumbledore's office… "I called you here to tell you some important news, and some not important news." said Dumbledore.

"The important news first," said Hermione.

"Very well," said Dumbledore turning to Ron. "BOO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"BOO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Now the not important news," said Harry.

"Ah, yes. The Dark Lord Voldemort has been spotted one mile away from here." Dumbledore looked at his watch. "A half mile and closing in fast! One forth mile! HE'S HERE! Looks like you'd better go do your saving the world thingy. He should be in the Charms classroom."

"Right." said Harry.

As they reached the charms classroom Harry said, "Okay. I want you two to stay here and watch my back. If you think I need help, come and save me."

"Okay, Harry. We will," Hermione promised.

Harry went in, and soon they could hear screams of pain from him.

"I think we should go in and help Harry," Hermione said to Ron.

"What has he ever done for us?" Ron asked. "And besides, if we go in now, he'll think we don't think he can do it on his own. No, lets just stay here and let him do it himself."

An hour later Harry came out in a full-body cast.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME?" Harry asked.

"We believed in you, Harry!" said Ron proudly.

"And I believe that I want to kill you now." said Harry.

"There is a why to settle this, you know." Hermione said.

"Yeah? How?" Harry asked angrily.

"I'm up for anything!" Ron cried.

"I give you each a cookie." Hermione handed them each a cookie.

"COOL!" Ron and Harry said together.

"Hi, Hermione!" said Don walking up behind them.

"Ah. We meet again, _Don_," Ron said.

"Hello, _Ronald_," Don said.

"Ron, can I talk to you a minute?" Hermione asked.

"Sure, Hermione. Anything for _you_." Ron said looking at Don.

In the broom closet… "Ron, why do you hate my boyfriend?" Hermione asked.

Ron looked at her a minute before saying, "Hello? Have you even read the last six books?"

"Yeah. Duh. But I don't think that helps me."

"I. Like. You. As. More. Than…"

"HI, GUYS! HOPE I'M NOT INTERUPTING ANYTHING!" Harry said happily popping up in the closet.

"Well… You sort of are." Hermione said.

"Oh, okay then. I'll just be quiet." Harry said. He then took a seat on a box.

"Than. A. Friend." Ron finished.

"Oh, Ron! I'm so sorry! I'm gonna still date Don!" Hermione said sadly.

"Ouch." Harry said.

"You… You don't want to date me? But… I smell like cheese." Ron said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Ron," Hermione said again. "But I think dumping Don right now would be a little mean."

Hermione walked out of the closet. Then she popped her head back in and said, "But the writer of this fic doesn't think so! Sure I'll date you!"

"(Sniff) I always love a happy ending," Harry said.

_FIN_

AN: Okay, sorry that this chapter was not as funny as the first one. I just had a few funny ideas I wanted to use, and this seemed the only way. If you liked it, PLEASE REVIEW!


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